Apparently, God Doesn't Like Milk
by HaruhixKyon
Summary: GENDERBENDER. Kyonko was really just trying to get some femininity. Really. Of course, Haruki had to intervene, that crazy- Haruki/Kyonko, FLUFF, ONESHOT!


**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Melancholy, Sighs, Disappearance, Rashness, etc. of Haruhi Suzumiya!

**Kyonko's Point of View:**

Sometimes I ponder the workings of the world. Then again, I could probably answer most questions even the best thinkers – like that one statue – could possibly throw.

Philosophy? Easy. The meaning of life was pleasing Haruki. Don't believe me? Ask a certain time traveler, ESPer, alien, and one unfortunate 'chosen' schoolgirl.

God's existence? Even easier. Haruki. Were you not paying attention, oh ye otaku of small mind?

Evolution? Haruki again.

Creation of the universe? Haruki _again._

Why did it seem like everything had to do with Haruki, these days?

But there was one thing that couldn't possibly be the god's fault. My genetics had nothing to do with three years ago, colored contacts, 'falling down the stairs', and Jane Smith. No. There were only three things that could be convicted of the heinous crime that was my less than appealing measurements.

A: My mother. Who else would a girl inherit her boobies from? Except for the fact that, ahem, she was a double D. Go figure.

B: My father. It WAS his genetics that decided which random chromosome to use. That one just so happened to be that of a female. Think! If I was a boy, I wouldn't have to worry about my bra size or anything! I could have a free right to ogle people with ponytails all I wanted! Especially older Mitsuru...that might have been the culmination of everything I'd ever fantasized.

C: Fate. I heard it liked to play tricks.

- - - - -

On a lovely, though exceptionally hot afternoon such as this, most innocent girls would find themselves skipping off for an after school snack with their boyfriend.

Oh, you wanted to know what _I_ was doing?

Well, my uniform-clad self was trudging toward the clubroom somewhat grimly, out of pure habit.

Nothing was out of order, seeing as how this had become my daily routine. All because of a certain brunette boy who could make my heart race (with fear, naturally) and wore abnormally yellow headphones.

Well, at least, not _much_ was out of order when I came upon the club room and entered. It was mostly empty, so I took that as an invitation to plop down at my usual spot.

As I said before, _it _wasn't really noticeable. Nagato Yuuki must've stored the anomaly as a file somewhere far off. Even Asahina-kun and Isthmus-chan dismissed it without vocalizing anything when they came in. Nothing was wrong with it.

But when Haruki strolled in lazily, he suddenly stopped. His eyes widened at the sight of the object I had placed on the table.

_Milk carton. Half full._

I sighed. This should have been an expected reaction. But since when was anything 'expected' with this idiotic lad?

"What. Is. That?!" The god's voice rang out, pure anger in it. Dear (other) Lord, how could he not get mad at the Computer Research Club president for having a picture of him on her desktop, but be set off by my drinking healthy?

Milk. It comes from cows. Mostly. Now that I think about it, it can almost come from any animal. Even humans. But, really, only stuff like cow, goat, and sheep milk is edible past infancy, I think-

"I know that. Shut up. Throw it away." His voice conveyed anger as he strode to the head chair and sat down. Mad Haruki. But what was wrong with my simple choice of drink? I looked down at the carton with puzzlement apparent.

I don't want to.

"No choice. This is a command from your Brigade chief."

No. I won't. Why should I listen to you, bastard?!

"JUST DO IT, ALRIGHT?!"

My heart seemed to stop for a moment from something like pity as I looked over toward the irritated boy with headphones. Everyone else got up and trickled out then. Mitsuru-kun cast worried looks at us all the way through. Itsuko ushered him out. While Nagato left at his own pace, eyes glued to a book, he was soon dispatched of as well.

What was up with them? Did they think something was going to happen, and that they weren't apart of it?

"Why?" I didn't even realize the words had come from me as I slowly looked back toward him from the other members. "It's just a drink, Haruki."

"Yes..." The mighty SOS Brigade chief looked out the window and...was that a hint of red on his cheeks?! "But Kyonko, I know why you did it. Just forget about stuff like that."

At first, I had no clue what he was talking about. Then, it hit me with a sudden realization. "Oh!" I exclaimed, looking down to my less-than-ample chest. If it could be called that.

"Can't a girl care about how she looks?" Those words appeared to set off a bomb in Suzumiya-san.

"YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?! YOU'RE PERFECT! JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! SO THERE'S NO NEED TO TRY!" His palms slammed down onto the desk, the computer rattling and his brown eyes focused unlaughingly on me.

"I think you're great. And that's because..." Haruki had lowered his voice, but he still trailed off into almost intelligible speech that I could hardly understand. It sounded close to 'I like you', but that couldn't be it. Flat-chested Kyonko wasn't worthy of God. "Never mind" was suddenly murmered by the key to auto-evolution.

As if on cue, the SOS Brigade started filing back in. Damn...why did they always seem to leave everything to me?!

However, I decided to do the universe a favor and not let Suzumiya do away with it today.

So I threw away the milk carton within Haruki-kun's view. He nodded his approval.

I guess I'll never know what he had to say on why he thought little-old-me was so great.

**Author's Note: **So, was this good? I'm not really sure...it is my first gender bending fic... Which, by the way, WE NEED MORE OF! More Haruki x Kyonko! I'm in love with Kyonko! -snuggles- She's more awesome than Kyon in an feminine, Haruki can stick her into cosplay, blushing way! Kya!

Please review! That's a fanfiction author's only payment!


End file.
